I AM WOMAN

From birth I am daddy's little girl
Loved, protected, fed and kept
In his heart and his home, I whirl, I twirl
I dance and sing; I woke and slept
And when every time he left
No goodbyes, no tears, no sad sighs
Just wait and wait to see that cleft
That chin, that grin, and to hear my cries
"Daddy's home, daddy's home"
Into daddy's waiting arms I run
And it was oh... so much fun

I am woman, small and meek

I am mummy's little helper
From small I learned to fetch and carry
Later to bake, to cook, to clean and to forever
be pretty so that one day I will marry
A man as strong as daddy.
She was always there, my mummy
Busy and gentle as a teddy bear
A perfect wife, a splendid mummy
Prim, proper, slim and fair
Tender, clever, and such a beauty

She was woman, small and meek

Then I grew up and found out
That daddy's home though gold and guilded
Is nothing but a cage, a hideout
Where women are but symbols of man the stud
It is home of the conqueror, the lord, the master
It is where patriarchy resides
Mummy and me?
We pledge his honour
We protect his name
We are always in his corner
And, yes oh yes, we are to blame

We are women, small and meek

When the dawning came and I took fright
I scream, I shout; then I ran, I fled
From a world where I had no rights
Where I am woman who merely bled
Dirty, foul, dank and sad.
When I left, I was alright
But daddy, mummy they were vilified
How did they bring me up
to allow such a flight
from everything that was right?

I would rather burn in hell
And be hell's bell
To ring the tune of their disaster
To end all that is sinister.

The small, you know, can be full of mirth
And the meek, they say, shall inherit the Earth
I am woman, SMALL and MEEK.

I AM MOTHER

By Askiah Adam

I am mother hear me roar as if thunder before a downpour
To signal to those who dare to scare
The ones I love so totally, now and forever more

I am mother hear me sing as if angels are in the wings, singing
a chorus to bring sleep, so deep
to little tired eyes and their little souls to keep.
For, tomorrow is another day full of cheer, love and care
From mummy, daddy and everyone there

I am mother hear me cry, copious tears from my eyes
Whenever my children go awry
Asking God, "oh why, oh why?" He did not try
To keep them safe, to give them faith, to know the ties
that bind all to both earth and sky.

I am mother hear me laugh, full of mirth, joy and pride
Every time my children do alright
Their first steps, their first words and how they enjoyed a first ride
On horses, buses, buggies and bikes
It warms my heart and makes me bright
Oh life is so very right

I am mother hear me sigh when everyone is fast asleep
I've worked, I've cooked, I've washed and cleaned
No time, no space, not for myself and so I weep
I scream and shout at a world so mean
Why must mothers just cook and clean?

Fathers they come home from work, feet up waiting to be fed
Children love them I don't know why
When all they do is play
then its off to bed
it is always about the next day.
If mother's sad, oh that's just too bad.

WHY THE NEED FOR WOMEN'S DAY

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY is upon us again. Every year March 8th comes round without fail and the chatter is almost deafening. Everyone pays lip service. The media is relentless in its features on women, usually the great. As a result its the same faces all the time. Why? Because truth be told so few women get anywhere, anyway.

Its true the world over. Women join the workforce. Each year the number mounts. Some men shout out loud that the women are stealing their jobs. Wish it were true, but its not. The economy expands, there are more jobs. Men move into better paying jobs and the vacuum they leave -- normally in slave-pay jobs -- are taken over by the women. For example, the army of clerks that keeps offices humming. When I was a child most clerks were men. Today the men go into better paying "skilled jobs" in factories and assembly plants of foreign companies. They take on technical and engineering occupations of pushing buttons and oiling machines and because the men do it it becomes a "skill". Women put away files, do the company ledgers, input letters into computers, yet they are considered general clerks and almost unskilled, which in turn makes for bad wages.

Women do the menial tasks shunned by men whose machismo will not permit them to be tea-persons and office cleaners. So, this being a men's world, machismo makes money. Although, it must be noted that the same does not necessarily apply to migrant labour. Now, they form a genderless underclass , which keeps the host working class a rung above and, therefore, relatively content.

Most men treat women as nothing but a bit of skirt. In many developing societies, CEDAW notwithstanding, patriarchy remains a stubborn legacy. Some Muslims sincerely believe that a woman's road to paradise is martyrdom, one achieved by submission to the will of the man of the family. Guardianship of women and children is the preserve of the male members of the family, in order of seniority. Fathers are always first in line, then the eldest son and so on. Unfortunately, the male mindset view this as a power structure and not a responsibility, therefore, a safety-net. The guardian tends to be oppressive and not, surely as God would want it, protective and caring. When a man fails in his duty as protector, he should lose the right to guardianship automatically, but no, he takes this right with him even when he abandons his family. Yes, even in this new millennium.

The realities of contemporary society has made gender irrelevant in this respect. Women too are economically capable of being protectors, guardians and custodians. And, that they are "naturally" viewed as caregivers should make them ideal guardians. However, because it does not suit the men it does not happen for Muslims. To further complicate the situation there are some Muslims who actually believe that wives may not leave the home without the husband's permission, which in turn means they cannot work without his consent.

This does not mean though, that non-Muslim women are having a whale of a time. As humanity plods on regardless, women who have decided to seize the day come what may actually find themselves lumbered with more than their fair share. Work is a socialising experience that has no substitute. Housework, on the other hand, is just too mind numbing especially when unpaid. Homemakers feel themselves to be in a state of dependency that robs them of all dignity. So going out to work is more than merely augmenting the household income. It gives these women a feeling of self-worth, it builds their self-esteem. Once home, unfortunately, even after a hard day's work there is the household chores to do. The lucky ones may have domestic help. But still, the wives are the ones who supervise the help and not good old hubby the "main" bread winner. And the help. She's a woman!

So there you have it. Women, whichever way you look at it do not have a field day hence, WOMEN'S DAY, a reminder that half of humanity is being let down by the other half and that this needs addressing. But the media cacophony, because it is unstructured, comes out as a day in praise of successful women. Nobody notices that it is the same old faces, year in, year out. More needs to be done so that one half of the decision-makers are women. And then, the successful woman will be as unnewsworthy as the successful man and Women's Day will be irrelevant.

BOOK REVIEW: THIS IS HOW WE DO IT

AUTHOR: CAROL EVANS

I close the cover of this book feeling rather short-changed. Not because the book was badly written, far from it. Neither was it misleading, in fact the reverse is true. It is a treasure trove of very useful information. Is it uninteresting? I read it cover-to-cover without really having to force myself. This book is liberally dotted with beautiful anecdotes of a caring, loving, working mother who has made a success of her parenting role and her career, the two though distinctly separate is sometimes woven together in a “work-life fusion” to make for a happier working mother.

Nevertheless, as a woman and a working mother myself for most of my working years I thought that Ms Evans was a little too uncritical of her society-given lot. But before perceptions are dragged in let’s give objectivity a chance.

This book is written by a woman whose success as a marketer must come from her obvious diplomatic skills, which while empathetic is well anchored in a reality that is patiently brought round to her way of thinking. Nothing in this book can be construed as aggressively feminist. The author is not, mind you, anti-feminist. It is obvious that she believes in women’s rights and more. For, she appears to view the family unit vis-à-vis the needs of its children as almost a holy grail, even when a career woman is a single parent.

Now, why I say this is not a book for the diehard feminist is because the working mother’s double burden is not an issue, rather is a given and the book’s purpose is to help working mothers cope with the double burden so that she is not only a good mother, but maybe, more importantly, that the ‘good mother’ bit does not get in the way of her being a good employee. This is not to say that Ms Evans puts the family obligations last. Most definitely NOT!

Family obligations are it that prompted the book, mainly the result of a 2005 survey conducted by the magazine she owns and runs called “Working Mother”. The What Moms Want survey asked more than 500 working women across the USA “who cares for their kids, how much do they spend on childcare, how does having children affect their ambitions and careers?” The aim was to understand the gaps that most needed filling when it comes to the kinds of community and workplace support that working mothers need and to set the benchmark for the next 25 years of progress.

Here is a book that places the working mother on a pedestal of sorts; the wonder woman who has spun round one too many times and realize that more than super power is needed to balance the double burden.

What it tries to do is tell the reader that a mother working is, in this day and age, essential towards ensuring that the children can have most, if not all, the advantages that life has to offer: better education; nice homes; and, horizon-broadening holidays. Yet, parental and filial duties sometimes demands that mothers be away from work like when the children are unwell, or even aging parents needing care. These are the kinds of obligations that have made mothers unemployable.

On the one hand the message is, of course, targeted at women as the book itself admits: “…for all of us doing it, but want to do better. It is also for those millions of women who haven’t yet added “mother” to their resumes.” On the other, the intention is, without a doubt, to reach employers through these mothers who want to give their best to the family, company and society while at the same time living full lives. Hence the information on how and what to do to get as much support as is feasible from employers, ever mindful that most companies are still operating under Neanderthal assumptions of the male hunter-gatherer.

The thrust of the book is accommodation – push the envelope ever so gently and allow for a gradual social evolution. What it does not want to do is create the notorious sexual revolution that the 19th century blue stockinged feminists hankered after, which the 20th century feminists hoped to achieve by burning their bras as a symbol of open defiance. Now, in the 21st century and the new millennium with necessity dictating the ever-growing numbers of female workers at every level of employment and everywhere, the strategy is to make employers see that happy mothers make for excellent workers and in turn hefty profits. And, the only way to achieve this is to take cognizance of a working mother’s double burden and to lighten it substantially. So its, don’t rock the boat baby, gently does it.

To be fair the author does not ignore the need for activism. Write to your representatives when the need arises and do not wait for others to do it for you, she urges her readers. Despite this I cannot get rid of the feeling that the book is too kind of ‘feel good’ and does not properly capture the reality that can be very harsh for many working mothers, maybe not in the USA but most definitely elsewhere, especially in the developing world.

Seriously, can Malaysian women envisage a policy now of good daycare for the very young and good after-school care for the still-too-young-to-be-latchkey-children? There where Hilary Clinton is looking good to becoming the first woman US president we may safely give the push a feminine touch and get somewhere. Here, there is still much debate on whether Islam allows for a woman premier! That Muslim women can go out to work only with the express permission of their husband is a very close second. Two basic women’s rights issues generally plaguing Muslim women in far too many Muslim societies.

THIS IS HOW WE DO IT is a reference book with a pleasant difference. For us here it is a look-in on working mothers who are firmly on the path of gender enlightenment, but one with a distinctly sentimental twist: a future of happy families where both Mr and Mrs Baker wears pants and Master and Miss Baker are well-adjusted children rich in character moulding experiences well before they even get to university. After all, isn’t the university life’s starting line, where the scramble for survival begins?

PUBLISHER: HUDSON STREET PRESS

OH YOU FOXY, SEXY OLD LADY

ITS COMMONPLACE IN HOLLYWOOD TODAY. Many of the top names have given their heart to a much younger man. There is Demmi Moore. Cher and Elizabeth Taylor both did it. Several others whose name escapes me for the moment have all done it or are doing it: women who married or are partnering with men much younger than themselves.

Not as commonplace, probably, but still a fact of history nonetheless and well-known for having done the same 1400 and more years ago and at her will was the Prophet Mohamad's first wife Khadijah. She was 15 years his senior. He was 25 and she 40 when they married. She gave him his much loved daughters and he stayed, by all accounts, happily monogamous while she was alive. She it was who fell in love with him then under her employ. She it was who took the initiative and asked to marry him. Now, that is liberated! She was a widow of independent means and he was this attractive and very reliable young man who led her caravan.

However, for the most part there seems to be a general lack of acceptance by society for a young man wanting to marry a much older woman. The man's parents, for one, are more often than not opposed to what they perceive to be a foolhardy decision. A young man should marry a young woman, so goes the going wisdom. An old woman, if she cannot find an old man to marry or to partner up with, should not have a man at all. If she has children, what more grandchildren, then she is duty bound to do the right thing and not embarrass the family. The upbeat granny with a lust for life, who will not allow age to overtake her has not yet generally arrived in the average psyche.

The point is the greater the age gap the louder the no-no. A slightly older wife has never caused a real stir. But when a woman is a whole 12-year cycle of the Chinese horoscope, say, older than her husband then it is the man that suffers, not the woman. Such a man is often viewed as inadequate, unable to reel in a woman of his peer group or younger. Or, he is seen as a wimp looking for a mother figure. In short, a much older wife disfigures a man's machismo. Which, in turn means, that the man who will look the world in the eye and take a much older woman to his heart is one of great strength, not at all the wimp.

Unfortunately, as with almost all instances of such an uneven match age-wise, the older spouse is the more successful. This is generally true for both women and men. But is it a bad thing? An older person would have had a huge head start in life anyway, which gives them a natural advantage in terms of wealth and status. When a young woman opts for an old man it is not viewed as offensive except maybe to those who perceive of them as gold diggers convinced that a young lady cannot possibly fall in love with an old person. For a man though, the condemnation is near unanimous. For the most part it is seen as almost an obscenity by some quarters. Why? He is probably wanting to get more in her purse than her pants -- which is about right when marriage takes place between the old and the young irrespective of gender. She, yes she, will grow old, ugly and repugnant only too quickly.

The problem is that society views the aging woman as unattractive. A woman just grows old. A man, on the other hand, becomes more distinguished with age his grey hair giving a sense of wisdom. Grey hair on women is seen as plain aging. Lines on a man's face give him character. Lines on a woman turn her into a prune. Most unfortunate of all is that men in general think they can all lay claim to this advantage. Even more unfortunate is that when mature women do look distinguished and packed with character, they remain unattractive because they are, more often than not, perceived as no longer sexy.

Women when they get past a certain age is no longer viewed as essentially woman. No longer Aphrodite, because her womb has shriveled and her fallopian tubes have dried up, she loses a fundamental social purpose. She is given to believe that she is now sexless and surrenders her will to this fate, for fighting it would be scandalous. It cannot be denied, however, that healthy humans, of both the female and male varieties, go on having sexual urges. This then is a clear demonstration that sex and fertility are not synonymous. So why is it that women stop looking sexy when they go on feeling sexy?

The question then is whether being sexy is a state of the mind or is it physiological? For the most part it is because women have allowed their physique to collapse for want of a reason to go on looking sexy. Not that they cannot find reason but rather it is the consequence of the reason that they fear. The tut-tutting, the finger-pointing and the ridicule, that is what robs women of reasons for always wanting to look good and feel sexy at any age. Hollywood with its huge influence on popular culture might yet be the saviour. For, would not the world benefit when there is nothing to stop us from living our lives fully?

TO THE GOLDEN GIRLS

JUST A SHORT SURVEY. To participate please click on the comment button, answer YES or NO and please add whatever comments you think fit.

The Target Market:
The "golden girls". Women of 50 and above, or younger should you think this applies to you.

The SURVEY:

Objective of the survey is to understand whether there is a need for a community of "golden girls" to share ideas, knowledge, activities and, most importantly, to share concerns. The aim is to understand whether there is need for self-help groups within the community to enable older women to feel fully engaged in society.

WHY? As our body goes through the changes brought on by menopause, things happen to us that are out of the usual. The physical symptoms alone can be devastating to some. Without a proper understanding of what we are going through, older women tend to be sidelined or even shunned by family and friends. The uneven temper and uncalled for cantankerousness can cause them to become a "pariah", a necessary consequence of which is loneliness. On the individual level, such women can end up utterly confused because she is not in control of her emotions. Under these circumstances belonging to a sharing-community would be a huge boon.

While the physique can be medicated, the loss of vitality for life is even more difficult. Older women are often without a real reason to live. Their working life over, meaning is found in their children and grandchildren. For the average "golden girl", being a vital part of the family means to fill a need. This more often than not means babysitting and isolation. However, for such women, belonging to a community/group of her peers would be generally more beneficial as it provides greater mental stimulation and she remains a vital part of society.

A community-based group can maintain her participation in the public space. For those who have always been home-makers and never had much experience of socialising outside of the family because of family commitments the "golden years" could indeed be the start of another phase of enjoying the world and engaging in it in ways that can build self-esteem thus bringing about a new sense of self-fulfillment. Having friends to turn to outside of the confines of family and immediate neighbours would help her avoid the "empty nest syndrome" and the feeling of abandonment by ungrateful children. Keeping an older woman happy will keep her healthy longer. Keeping her occupied and focused on herself makes for a happy family.

A toast: TO THE GOLDEN GIRLS!!!

Thank you for taking time to participate in this survey.

HANDBAGS AND SHOES DO NOT A FEMINIST UNMAKE

LADIES, YOUR OPINION PLEASE. I love handbags and shoes. I like looking good cos it makes me feel just wonderful. I hate me when I'm lazy and unkempt. Is this wrong? You may say that for as long as all this is for me then its "go ahead girl, just do your thing!"

No, I more often than not feel good because I think that someone looking may think I look good. Without the other approving of what I am then, in all probability, I'm happy being a cavewoman. Grow fat, eat what I like, die when I should. That kind of thing. I have yet to learn to love me for me. Am I a victim of conditioning or am I a victim of creation?

How can I say this? Is there any chance that somewhere out there there's someone who has no inclination to be sexually loved and to sexually love? There is here no reference to sexual preference. Your poison is yours, feel free to help yourself. Mine is mine. In this instance my sexual leaning makes no difference because it is all about me, my self, this one person that should make my world go round. Whom I love matters only in how much this other person actually makes or breaks me: that is all that is pertinent for the issue at hand.

Therefore, we are made this way, desperate for love. If you disagree its only because you have not loved and be loved in return although I must admit that lust is easily mistaken for love. And, of course, too, those claims by some that there are good substitutes for love, the kind that do not cause hassles, and are clean and uncomplicated. Well, yes. Enough times I have thought that achievement can take the place of love. The adrenalin rush alone is worth paying for, if its up for sale. If that adrenalin rush can be packaged it would make someone awfully rich. But when once you love again you will realise how faulty that sense is. It is no substitute for love.

Love makes me sing, it makes me want to dance, it makes me fly. Love gives me a high, unblemished and always pristine. Try it if you don't believe me. Let yourself go and find love and then you will know what I mean. When stage two knocks in you fall lightly to the ground. You are better grounded, no doubt, but the elation is still much part and parcel of your being in love. But remember, I am talking from a woman's perspective. A man probably feels differently when he is in love. Let me just take a guess and if I'm wrong, I hope my male readers will let me know.

"I am god," says a man in love. There is gentleness because there cannot not be for love is gentle. When no gentleness is present in a relationship love doesn't live there. So, the man in love is gentle but not soft; kind and not stupid; and, strong in a very comforting way. All men in love are this way made, nothing makes a difference: not age, not race, not creed and not class. Love is a leveler and there is only one way to be in love. Anything less and one knows that therein is lust, pure and simple. Why do I say this? Well those attributes I listed comes natural with love. When parents love it is that way, unconditional, as you give of yourself with no strings attached.

And so I hanker to remain forever high. Towards this end I keep myself trim, try to stay healthy so that the complexion is always radiant, make sure I have my beauty sleep and, naturally after all that, dress attractively. Now this is where the bag and shoe fetish comes in. It is a pleasant distraction when its in check. But, do I not make a good feminist because of it?

Point is here that I want someone to love, always. That, I know, nobody begrudges me. For without it I am a sorry excuse for whatever. It makes me cry. And please do not mistake what I say for the silly notion that one cannot be without a partner. That is not true. Better without a partner than be with one and not have love. What I want is to have my cake and eat it; this, they say, no one can have. That, I contend, is a fallacy. And so the dress up and good-looking, good-feeling me.

However, there is that school which vehemently argues for the "take me as I am" principle. Fat, thin, dark, fair, bucktooth or not, beautiful or hideous, this is what I am. You don't like it, go lump it. True love, this school of thought wants us to believe, will see past all the flaws and go straight for the essence. Were the world made this way, "hallelujah," I'd say. You know that its not, hence, cosmetic surgery. The good lookers have a better chance at love than plain Janes. That is the fact. Granted that was not how it was for Princess Diana, but she bucked the odds. Furthermore, hers was an arranged marriage not a fairytale one. That latter was mere media hype.

I love bags and shoes, and lovely clothes. I enjoy being attractive. And, I love love. More importantly, I love my fellow persons. I am angry at the oppressor. I cry for the oppressed. I write in praise of fair play and social justice. I fight for equality. I give to the needy of myself and my property, inasmuch as I am able. I am ALL of these. Why then fault me for my innocent distractions. I AM A FEMINIST!! So there.

HOW TO BE A MODERN-DAY FICTIONAL HEROINE

It used to be so easy. All you needed was a thick mane of tousled auburn locks, high cheekbones and a determined little chin; add an ounce of determination and an event from your past that haunts you still. Then, wham! You were the perfect fictional heroine.

But now it’s not so simple. With television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Ally McBeal, books like Bridget Jones’s Diary and Good in Bed, and movies like Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde, we’re getting all sorts of mixed messages over how the ideal woman is supposed to be. What’s a modern girl who wants to hold herself up to impossible standards to do?

Simple! Just follow these guidelines, and you’ll be as witty, complex and neurotic as the rest of them. In other words you will be the perfect, modern-day fictional heroine.

Step 1: Be Flawed

This step is super easy, because come on, we’re all already flawed anyway, right?
Right!

Except for one little catch. It is necessary to adopt the correct flaws, and these three are non-negotiable.

1.)You must be self-involved. This includes comparing your own petty personal problems to things like death, war, and injustice, and finding some sort of unique parallel no matter what the situation may be. It also includes having a constant inner dialogue with yourself where you point out these parallels with witty commentary. For example: “Even the news reminded me of him. Yesterday I saw this report that said routine circumcision in Africa could prevent 300,000 deaths in the next ten years. What a shocker! Chopping away at a guy’s penis could help eliminate pain, loss, and heart-ache. What will they think of next?”

2.)You must have issues with food. If you plan to be a television or movie heroine, this means that you cannot eat. Period. If you plan to be a book heroine, this means that you must eat all the time, except when you’re not eating, and then you should be thinking about eating. I strongly recommend the second option.

3.)You must become preoccupied with an unhealthy relationship. This includes but is not limited to, relationships with boyfriends, friends, mothers, fathers, roommates, and exes. Especially exes.(And make sure that your ex is dreamy, preferably with a new girlfriend who is in no way as good for him as you were.)

Step 2: Practice Retail Therapy

Today’s modern day fictional heroine realizes one fundamental truth, that there is no problem too big or too small that cannot be remedied with shopping. Again, there is a catch; you need to be careful of what you go shopping for. Hard and fast rule, anything that’s practical or cheap is out. Other than that, I have provided you a list of approved shopping items, with the most highly recommended items on top, and continued in descending order:

Designer shoes
Designer beauty products
Designer chocolate
Designer purses
Designer lingerie
Anything else designer
Clothes (This is listed as the very last option because although clothes shopping can be a lot of fun, if you happen to have gone up a size, the blow to your ego will be so enormous that it will negate the therapeutic aspect of said retail therapy.)

Step 3: Have a purpose, deeply question it, then either accept it or abandon it to find a new purpose.

Rather than go into unnecessary detail, I have created a handy-dandy chart. Just pick an option from each column and you’ll be good to go.

Column A
1.You’re a (lawyer, publisher, or banker) and you love the power and money.
2.You’re a (doctor, policewoman, or writer) and you love changing lives.
3.You’re a stay-at-home mom and you love your family.
4.You’re all of the above, and you’ve never been so fulfilled!

Column B
1.It’s all getting to be too much and nobody understands you.
2.None of it means anything anymore and nobody understands you.
3.You wish you could have some time for yourself, and why doesn’t anyone understand you?
4.Is this really what you set out to do? You did major in art history after all.

Column C
1. After meeting the right guy, you decide to chuck it all and live overseas.
2. After falling back in love with the guy you’ve been with for years, you decide to start your own home-based greeting card company.
3. After realizing that the nerdy guy is actually the one for you, you return to your career with a new sense of purpose.
4. Who needs health insurance anyway? You decide to take some time off just to focus on you.

Conclusion:

So you see; it’s really not that hard for truth to imitate fiction. Gone are the days of walking moors, wearing corsets, and dying of consumption. Nowadays all you need is a little attitude thrown in with a barely noticeable social complex. So get your credit cards ready, preheat the oven for those brownies, and start living your life as if everyone can (and wants to) hear what you have to say. A new age has arrived!

About the Author: Laurel Osterkamp is the author of Following My Toes, a novel published by PMI books. She also teaches and performs comedy. You can visit her on the web at http://www.laurelosterkamp.com or http://www.bookinitmyway.blogspot.com. Copyright: Laurel Osterkamp. All rights reserved

Source: Free Blog Articles

MUSLIM WOMEN PREPARE UNDERCOVER REBELLION; USE INTERNET TO ORDER BIKINIS

Muslim women, condemned to wear, even when sandy temps soar, clothes that curiously resemble what nuns usually wore before they lightened up their outfits, are rumored to be preparing a rebellion that is scheduled for a date that is being kept under wraps until it breaks out, to the horror of Muslim men, in scant bikinis.

Order takers at online bikini retailers note an unprecedented surge in orders for the scanty attire from Muslim nations.

Interviewed in a secret location, while keeping her name hidden even from her own family, for fear of being stoned in the traditional way, a Muslim woman who already has her bikini hidden away for the great day, commented, "The men want to hide our beauty in the closet and the clerics want us to take responsibility for the design of the human body, but, the truth is, we didn't have anything to do with it. Our job is just to live with the design. In fact, to love it and be proud of it as the way Allah made us."

Then, pulling out her colorful little thing from under her uncomfortably hot black burka, she added, "I can't wait to put it on. If I don't get stoned first, I'm going swimming, too."

Rumor of the undercover rebellion has ordinary Muslim men and imams nervously practicing putting their hands over their eyes, lest the eternal beauty of the female form excite their natural attraction to women and, worse yet, incite them to allow their secluded but lovely women to update their heavy medieval garb.

As one imam confided, "To tell you the truth, I hope the women lead the way. Some days my head gets awfully hot under my turban. I'd sure like to let the breeze blow in my hair for once. I just know Mohammed had days in the desert like that, too."

About the Author: Tom Attea, humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com, has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "great humor and ebullience" and "good, genuine laughs."

Source: Free Blog Articles

MYTH OF THE HORNY DIVORCEE

SWEEPING statements can sometimes contain grains of truth, but fortunately not this time.

When the Pas MP for Rantau Panjang, a district in the northeastern state of Peninsula Malaysia, Kelantan, passed the comment that “golongan janda adalah gatal” or that “divorced women are sluts” here, if ever there was one, is an instance of unadulterated unthinking. That he carries the honorific “Yang Berhormat” or Right Honourable is obviously misplaced and inappropriate. Are not divorcees among his constituents, one wonders? Or, has he quite forgotten that he represents the constituency and all its voters and their family?

The Malay Mail of 27^th April 2006 quoted Abdul Fatah Harun as saying, “Most of these divorced women go to parties and are gatal. It is quite obvious why they ended up divorced or why their husbands left them. They are gatal.” Gatal, of course, means horny.

Firstly, there is this obviously false assumption that most divorced women spend their time partying. Where does this man get his statistics from? Has he done a survey of women who party? Or, has he been intelligence gathering? Which, pray tell, that can lend credence to the assumption that ‘most divorced women go to parties’. Don’t share unfounded opinions with the public, please, especially when you are an MP!

Secondly, why is it assumed that when women go to parties they are sluts? Have the man not heard of innocent fun when people of both sexes gather to network, to exchange ideas and information across industries and intellectual disciplines and/or to relax at gatherings classified as parties. In a world where more and more women are working, being in the public space is no longer taboo. Even in a conservative, patriarchal society it is not always considered scandalous for women to partake of the pleasures of socializing at parties, albeit within a very structured environment.

Parties are occasions where humans learn to socialize. Socialising is an essential part of character-building. A society that is peopled by strong, confident individuals with a capacity to interact without open friction, to communicate well and are mindful of others is much needed in multi-ethnic, multi-religious Malaysia. Under these circumstances, are not women too required to be properly socialized? Or, is there here a prejudice on the part of the man to keep women tightly within the domestic confines of child-bearing, child-rearing, husband-caring and such other banal activities that women, as chattels, do as in pre-Islam jahilliyah?

It is not that household chores are necessarily bad. The contribution of the mainly-women domestic workforce, including unpaid housewives, is not to be sneezed at. They it is that make certain the reproduction of society and in what image. Which, in turn, makes it important that the domestic sphere, too, is liberally laced with mental stimulation.

Thirdly, the questionable presumption that women divorcees are always divorced by the husbands. While it is true that the Islamic establishment make few provisions for women to divorce their husband, oftentimes Muslim wives are given their freedom because a husband has his eye on another woman, that is, when he does not intend to be polygamous. There are also enough examples of women abused within the marital home who want a divorce badly.

Within the Malay-Muslim milieu there is a far greater tendency for women to be divorced because the husbands are gatal. There have been many high profile cases where mature women are divorced by husbands bent on marrying sweet-young-things. So, I ask you, who is the gatal one?

Women are free agents like men, more so when they are divorcees. Furthermore, these are women who have been through the mill, taken the hard knocks of life head-on and been through the school of life in unhappy marriages. It is hard to imagine that after such travails most of them are raring to entangle themselves in sexual webs that could go very wrong again. If there are prudent humans, they are it.

In today’s world of self-supporting women who are economically independent, divorced working women have no need to burden themselves with men. Yes, we all, women and men, are looking for our soul mate to share our life with in an until-death-do-us-part relationship. We want enduring and loving companionship. This is a very human pining. And so we go with our gut and marry the person we love (or maybe lust after). If our gut feel was spot on in the first place we will be living happily ever after as in a fairy tale.

However, reality is far from perfect. Divorces are on the increase and broken homes are no longer a novelty in most societies. Who takes care of the children? Usually its mum and you think mum can go out partying on a regular basis and be a slut!

Think again man or start thinking, whichever applies. Divorcees are not sluts. In fact, few women ever are. Men, it is, whose fantasies take them into realms where real women do not exist: women who work hard to help support the family and are given little recognition; single mothers abandoned by philandering husbands left to cope with their children; abused wives under pressure to keep the violence under wraps for the sake of the children. To these women divorce is probably seen as a blessing. These are real women who, when push comes to shove, may insist on becoming divorcees. Are they deserving of such abusive tongue-lashing? THINK MAN!

A version of this article was published by Madam Chair